3 Tier Nervous System Regulation

In both my 1:1 coaching sessions, group coaching and my own personal life I view nervous system regulation in 3 tiers. There are lots of ways to approach the nervous system and this has been the most effective in my experience. 

Step 1: Nervous System Awareness

A huge part of my coaching, social media accounts and this newsletter involves nervous system education. To me this is the foundation of everything. You want to be aware of your nervous system and how it works in EVERYTHING YOU DO. Yes, everything. It can impact how you meal plan (what nights it is better to order out versus when you can cook for leisure if that's your thing). How you set up the calendar for you and your family. Even how you observe your family and decide to interact. This doesn't mean you are always working towards being “regulated and calm”. What it means is that you are always considering your nervous system as you live your life. 

Step 2: Proactive Strategies

Now that you know about the impact of a nervous system on daily functioning and you are starting to develop an understanding of what supports and triggers your particular nervous system, you can plan ahead. I have a set of strategies for myself (and these differ person to person in coaching) that I use to take care of my nervous system. To literally increase my capacity for feeling joy and handling stress by providing my body with coping neurochemicals and an overall feeling of safety. These strategies aren't set in stone, some are for when I have more time and some are for when I have little to no time. But since I already have all that good nervous system education I know how to incorporate what I need and when. 

Step 3: In the Moment Strategies

Remember, the goal isn't to be calm and happy 24/7, because that isn't realistic. The goal is to recognize dysregulation for what it is (instead of being hard on yourself) and know how to move yourself through it. As such, you need a set of strategies for in the moment. Things are getting hectic, your kids are acting up, you and your partner are in a disagreement, bills are rolling in, work demands are stressing you…whatever the case may be. What can you do in the actual moment to help your brain and to keep you out of panic mode? This also isn't toxic positivity, it isn't never feel angry/sad/mad/stressed. What can you do to metabolize those feelings in your body so you can 1-do what you need to do and 2- not get stuck in that place of upset.   

In my own life I am constantly circling through these 3 levels of support. This isn't a one and done, it's a lifestyle, that I choose on a regular basis. Why? Because the results are so profoundly impactful to my life and the lives of my family members. 

The results

-I feel more. I feel more joy and I recognize my stress/anxiety more quickly (no sneaking up on me in the form of an outburst or shutdown). I feel safe to cry when I'm sad and laugh when I'm happy. 

-I'm more present. Because my brain isn't working so hard to protect me, because my system knows I will keep it safe, I am able to more fully show up. This has been my biggest gift of all, especially with my children.

-I actually like myself. No more beating myself up when I get dysregulated, I know it isn't a reflection of who I intrinsically am. It's me having a nervous system moment, which is so super normal and I am fully equipped to handle. 

-I get along better with my husband. Looking at my husband, at our daily interactions, even at our arguments…I can see his nervous system too. Does this mean we never argue, of course not, we argue! But we move through it. Because my nervous system feels safe and cared for, I can be open to hearing his side of things without getting defensive. And I can feel confident in asking for what I need, without all the extra drama. Watching how our nervous system impacts each other has been a huge shift in the overall tone of our home. 

-I'm proud of what I'm doing, especially as a mom. All parents want what is best for their children. My greatest pride is showing them this side of things. I hope that by taking them along on this ride they always feel safe, loved and supported both within themselves and within my presence.