Sleep and your nervous system
Sleep has been a challenge for me the past few weeks. Between my littles waking up and some pregnancy insomnia, I often find myself awake for a couple of hours in the middle of the night. Not surprisingly, this leaves me tired the next day.
What does this have to do with the nervous system?
A few things. For starters, movement is my most regulating activity. It is the number one way that I replenish the coping chemicals in my body. However, these first few months of pregnancy I have felt too depleted to exercise. As I am coming out of that, I have started taking some more walks. I notice that I do sleep better on the nights that I have been out walking. As I feel ready, I will start walking and adding in light exercise more regularly. Let me be super clear here, this isn't to maintain weight during pregnancy…this is about giving my body an activity I know it needs to help me stay grounded and centered.
Trauma and sleep
In January of 2020 we lost a pregnancy when I was about 18.5 weeks pregnant. There were no signs of a miscarriage, I walked into a regular checkup alone and got the worst possible news. I am currently 17 weeks pregnant. I have had lots of talk therapy on this particular topic and I have done lots of nervous system healing, but my body still remembers. There is a heightened level of stress. With Clara and with this pregnancy the heightened feelings started for me around 12-13 weeks, when I am suppose to be entering the “safe” zone. With Clara sometime between 20-22 weeks I felt a bit better. Honestly, there was still an edge to me all the way until she was born and even for the first 6ish weeks she was with us. A feeling of “waiting for the other shoe to drop”. There isn't much for me to “do” about this. I recognize it, I show myself compassion and remind myself that I am safe. My sleep issues, not coincidentally, started around 13ish weeks… your body and your nervous system knows.
Thinking, thinking, thinking
One of the biggest indicators that my nervous system is at play here, is what happens when I wake up in the middle of the night. Within seconds of opening my eyes I am thinking, worrying to be more precise. Worrying about the baby, about getting Clara to sleep in her room, about maternity leave, about money, about what work will look with 3 kids. My brain goes into that sympathetic state (remember that is the panic mode, the “I am being chased by a bear in the woods”) in under a minute. And as anyone who has trouble sleeping knows, once that spiral of thinking starts in the middle of the night, it can be very hard to stop.
So what do I do in the middle of the night?
1. I get physically comfortable. Sometimes that means going to the bathroom, a drink of water or even a middle of the night snack. I scan my physical body to figure out what it might need.
2. If my thoughts are running anxious I try to move that anxiety out of my body. In the middle of the night, the best way to do this is tapping my foot. I will tap rhythmically until I feel ready to stop.
3. I use the breathing patterns of those around me. I will listen to whoever is sleeping near me and try to match my breath pattern to theirs. I find this is more powerful than just focusing on my own breathing.
4. I visualize myself in my most relaxing state. For me, this is a walk on the beach. I am cognizant to not be looking down on myself doing this, but imagining what I would be seeing if I was actually walking on the beach. My toes in and out of the water, seagulls, the horizon.
And I just keep circling through these until my nervous system softens it grip and remembers that I am safe, despite my thoughts telling me otherwise. If my thoughts are really holding on tight, which can happen, I will imagine handing them over. You can imagine handing them to anyone you love and trust (God, the Universe, a loved one who has passed). For me, I hand them to Henry, our son that we lost, and my Uncle Frankie. I simply say, can you help me carry these…and then I go back to my other practices.
What do I do the next day?
SO MUCH GRACE!!!
My business coach, Meagan Fitzgerald, and a friend, Victoria Mann recently reminded me of the saying “I am safe to slow down”. This saying holds such power for our nervous system, it is literally permission to step out of that sympathetic state and into the rest/digest mode or parasympathetic. I live that saying on my tired days (and really all days).
