Life is not an emergency
I had such a hard time coming up with a title for this post, because this is something I personally struggle with. It is 100% a reflection of my internal nervous system setting. This setting is the radio station we are tuned into, our autopilot. When all of life feels like an epic emergency, I know I have stepped back into a fear autopilot and I’m likely dysregulated.
How does this play out in everyday life? A few weeks ago I had some anxious thoughts overnight, which caused me to sleep poorly. Ironically, I can’t even remember what these anxious thoughts were in reference to now. The next morning the panic button was dialed way up. I had to drop Jack off and the worry of not getting there in time felt like a 911 call. Then I had to stop at the bank and get home for a virtual meeting. There also was a charge on our account that I didn’t recognize and I was waiting for a call back from that company. These are all things that we all deal with on the regular, right? Nothing was epically urgent. I wasn’t being chased by a bear in the woods, the house wasn’t on fire. Sadly my nervous system did not realize that!
What that translated to was a completely flustered feeling. I felt like I had to do everything “quickly” and the quicker I tried to move the more mistakes I made and the more flustered I got. Finally at a point I caught myself and realized what was happening. I felt my body to help get some proprioceptive input and bring myself back down. In the moment I didn’t have time for a ton of nervous system tools but just the awareness and a few moments of getting back into my body helped me shift gears. Parked outside of the bank, while on the phone with Apple about the charge I didn’t recognize, I felt the backside of my body against the driver seat. I felt my legs, my feet, my shoulders. I told every muscle, every body part it could soften into the drivers seat. I was safe and supported. I was late to my meeting and no one cared.
I made a regulation self care plan for later that afternoon which included some swinging and rocking, music I know that calms my nervous system and a deep pressure massage post shower. Slowly I began to come back to the radio station I prefer to be tuned into. This station says “I am safe, I am supported, I can handle big things.” I can’t just tell myself that though, I need to communicate that to my body and nervous system to truly shift gears.
I haven’t rode an actual bike in years but I do remember a little bit about the gears (specifically that certain ones make it harder to pedal, especially on a hill!) This is what it’s like when your nervous system has shifted to a dysregulated autopilot, its riding a bike uphill with a ton of resistance. No matter how hard you try, it sucks.
Once you know this information and you have spent a little time figuring out some of your autopilot settings and triggers, you can shift gears more easily. We celebrated Clara’s birthday this past weekend. Our exact plans were touch and go for a bit due to the weather. However, by Friday it became clear that we were a go and there was a bunch to be done.
Time (and the feeling like there isn’t enough of it) and getting things done are big triggers. I was getting an influx of text messages and questions (all while I had 2 doctors appointments) from people trying to help. I appreciated the help tremendously, but the energy felt amped. Yikes. But this time my autopilot was already set to a place of safety and support. As the texts rolled in, as my mind went over what needed to be done… I kept repeating “Jessica this is not an emergency”. As other people around me seemed activated in their nervous systems, that mantra kept me in my autopilot. From that place I knew I could get everything done and all would be fine. That is the power of your nervous system autopilot.
The main takeaway here? Your nervous system has an autopilot that it functions from, being aware of this autopilot is TREMENDOUSLY HELPFUL. Knowing your triggers and signs let you know when you are riding your bike uphill with extra resistance (basically making things harder for no reason). And life is not an emergency!!!
Stay tuned for a post on how we can help our kiddos in shifting into a a safe and supported autopilot…
